This man wants to be an island

It’s been bothering me that my blog posts are getting further and further apart. Some of this is due to life being life. Some of this is due to me not wanting to post anything until I have crafted the perfect post. When I read other people’s blogs, all I ever want to read is something truthful and relevant to their lives. But because of the standards I put on myself, I don’t feel good about posting until I feel like it’s perfect. So the posts get further and further apart.

I’ve decided to post one thing every month. I’ve even given myself permission to post absolute crap. It’s OK as long as it’s honest.

Now that I have that bit of housekeeping out of the way, let me share something honest and relevant with you. I have a desire to be less affected by other people’s negativity. I want to be able to decide to have a good day and just have a good day. This may not be entirely achievable but there is room for improvement. Here are some of the tools I have found to help me with that.

I am trying to understand that others may not be having a good day, or month, or even a good life when they interact with me. I bring hostile emotions with me to work some days. To keep from accelerating things with other people, I try to ask myself if this person that is stepping on my toes today has also done the same. I have a younger coworker that is very insecure and looking for direction. He does his best to point out other people’s insecurities just about every day. Aren’t humans odd?

In the past, I have had good luck with allowing other people to just be themselves. Sometimes that means allowing them to be wrong, annoying, or combative. It’s not my job to fix other people. It’s my job to fix me and I usually struggle with just that much. I don’t have to change people’s mind about how they are supposed to feel or act in a situation. I just want to change how I feel sometimes so I can have a good day.

Finally, and this is something I have only just started working on, I am less affected by other people and sometimes less affected by my own troublesome mind when I meditate. Meditating is a process that I want to write an entire post on. In short, it allows me to separate my identity from my thoughts. It does not clear my mind of all thought. Perhaps, I will learn how to do that in the future, but for now I and enjoying being able to step back from my thoughts and observe them as events.

My normal state is like swimming in a river and being swept down stream by the current. After and during meditation, I am able to stand on the river bank and observe the current slipping down stream. I can’t stop the movement of the river especially on a day when the water is raging. I’m just able to step back from the force of the emotions that take me away to a place I don’t want to go.

Just so we’re clear about this, I am a long way from not being affected by people’s negativity. I’m just a guy that wants to fight for my own serenity.

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5 thoughts on “This man wants to be an island

  1. Me too…I just want to decide to have a good day and have it.
    Then I start comparing my life to other people’s and that is where is goes not so good.
    I also want to have the “perfect” post, as there are so many beautiful writers out there.
    Thank you, Lamar.
    xo
    Wendy

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  2. I’m also struggling with how much other people (frequently colleagues) are affecting me at the moment. Learning to draw effective boundaries without isolating myself now I’m not drinking over all my feelings is proving to be a tricky thing. I’m glad meditation helps 🙂

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  3. Awesome post in that I relate to your striving for solitutde. I’m always in the mood for it, often wishing I could like pause time and remove myself from the world for a while. Not in a suicide wish, but in a break from other people and all their bs

    Like

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